The Side Effects

I find it ironic that a person like me, who could sleep through a freight train driving past my room is up at 3:30 in the morning writing on the computer. Yes I am talking about side effects today. Before all of this occurred, I would put the boys to bed and get my second wind around 10pm and wait up until 12am to have a conversation with my husbnad. I would crash into bed about 12:30 and get up around 6:45 after having smashed on my snooze button around 2-3 times. THIS HAS CHANGED! Now, I take either a couple ativan or an ambien and go to bed at around 9:30. If I am lucky, I can sleep until between 5:30-6. Who would have ever thought! Am I turning into my mother? When I wake up in the dark I peek one eye open to figure out what time it is not really wanting to know. I made an attempt to go back to sleep this morning with no such luck.

When I started chemotherapy, well meaning people told me what I was going to go through, ironically many of them not having gone through it themselves. Except for the hair loss, the side effects have been minimal and tolerable. I call the side effects more like a nusiance. Everyone has heard about nausea and vomitting. No vomitting for me. It reminds me of morning sickness a bit without the blowing chunks in the bathroom. I take compazine, ativan and Dex proactively for the first 3-4 days after treatment. I also try not to let myself get hungry and I eat smaller portions when I do eat so I won't get too full. The funny thing is that sometimes I forget that I should stop eating and then I am bloated and burp alot. Such the lady that I am.

The other nuisance side effect is watery eyes caused from dry eyes. I know it doesn't sound right. Dee explained this to me but I can't seem to explain it back. My eyes water all of the time. I AM NOT CRYING! I do use eye drops which has helped a lot. I bring my make-up bag to work and re-apply eye liner etc a few times a day so I dont' look like death warmed over.

Another nuisance side effect is the foggy brain from Monday through Thursday following my Friday treatment day. The good thing is that I am faking it pretty well at work. I can still function and speak normally. The bad thing is that I have to concentrate harder and I hate the feeling. I feel like I am on auto pilot at work. It would be interesting or maybe not so interesting to go back and read some of my notes at work on those days!!!

They told me as well that certain foods may not taste the same anytmore. This has been minimal. There is only less than one week from Sunday to Friday after treatment that I notice this. And get this. The food that doesn't taste right to me is my pop! Of all the things that I can't stand for that week is my pop. Go figure! My mom is happy about that actually because she hates watching me drink my Diet Mountain Dew.

The other more scarey side effect is loss of white blood cells. I had said in an earlier post that the chemotherapy drugs kill white blood cells and also cause anemia. The anemia has come on gradually and I haven't noticed anything real significant except I fall asleep sitting in my chair at home more often. (or is that a Rodde family trait?) On the Saturday after my treatment, I am given a shot of neulasta which does build up white blood cells. This is a protection for me but I am still at risk. The scarey thing about the white blood cell loss is that I am at risk for infection and little guard to fight it. If I get a fever, of over 100 I have to go to the hospital. Mark has purchased hand sanitizer and placed them strategically around the house. I have stopped sharing drinks with my family. (Mom can I have a sip of your pop?) They don't ask anymore but Jeffrey will ask if I am almost done and then ask to finish mine off. I have stopped kissing my kids goodnight but now we blow kisses instead. I still give my hugs no matter if they want it or not. (Actually it is Kathryn and Jim that I have to force my hugs on!) My kids are quite amazing and brighten my day everyday. The best thing about kids is that they keep enjoying life in between all of the crap!!! Take your day and enjoy everything in between all of the crap. There are too many other things to talk about than to talk about cancer all of the time!